Postpartum Update

So I'm writing this a 4 weeks postpartum and well I feel pretty good if I'm honest! Ben has gone back to work now so that was quite a big adjustment and I have gotten upset a couple of times but I don't think that there's really anything underlying to it, I think my emotions were just a bit all over the place because it was the first time I'd been properly on my own in 5 weeks and the first time I'd had both children by myself so I was a little bit overwhelmed! I have struggled I'll admit that as I'm trying to find that routine that's mine with both of them and it feels like Oliver has just acted up for the sake of it but he's started calming down a bit now as Ben has just entered his second week back at work. 
Physically I feel really good the bleeding has all stopped now so now I'm just waiting for the appearance of mother nature (yay)  and I'm dreading it because anyone reading this will know how awful your first proper period after giving birth is! 

I'm also still trying to work on loving what my body looks like after 2 beautiful children but it's hard there's so much that I want to change and that I'm working on changing! Admittedly I've eaten nothing but junk since Ben has gone back to work as it's been grab it as and when I can just to say I've eaten something and it has been a bag of crisps or a handful of biscuits with a cup of tea not exactly the best diet! but I am working on changing that! I've got bit that are wobbly and I'm riddled with stretchmarks and my body has been filled with that much junk my skin is literally swearing at me right now! I'm also still on iron tablets as my levels are still low but hopefully when I go for my blood test next week they are happy for me to come off them! 
I've also been having a little think about contraception as after everything as much as I love my 2 beautiful squishes I'd love to not have anymore right now haha! I know that I don't want anything heavily hormone based so I'm think maybe the copper coil as it stays there until you want it or need it out and it doesn't release any hormones! So I shall see what my GP says when I go for my 6 -8 week check!

Well I'm braving the update about me! I'm not going to lie I'm feeling a little bit wobbly about the whole thing (no pun intended!) and I'm already getting worked up. I debated whether or not to share an update about myself because I knew I'd end up getting upset but then I thought why not my body has done something amazing for the 2nd time. I've got a way to go in loving myself and how my body has changed in the last almost 3 years.

Mentally
Mentally I feel in a really good place, I feel really happy and I'm embracing the changes from one little to two, which in all honestly I haven't found that difficult or challenging but I'm sure there will be moments where things aren't going to be so easy. I have had a bit of cry over stopping breastfeeding as I felt like a bit of a failure but then I realised that as long as Luna is fed and gaining weight it doesn't matter how she is fed.

Physically 
Physically I stopped bleeding around Day 8 which was wonderful I think the hormone drip they gave me after delivery helped with how long I bled for to be honest. I'm currently on a course of iron tablets as I'd lost a litre of blood and I'm due to go back to the doctors again in a couple of weeks to have my full blood count taken again to see where my levels are at but the doctors think I'll need the tablets for around three months to get my levels back to a normal level. The couple of stitches that I had for the tiny tear a pretty much healed now although I couldn't really tell that they were there and I couldn't tell I'd tore to be honest. Something I had forgotten was how awful the after birth sweats are and in the weather, they've not been to bad but I have had the odd one for no reason and gosh doesn't it make you feel gross. All my swelling has all gone now too and I'd gained the most awful puffy fingers, ankles and feet.

Body Image
Body image is the massive one for me at the moment, I know that my body has done something incredible again but its so hard to like what you see in the mirror and embrace how you look when other people are so quick to judge you and comment on how well you've snapped back, although I have definitely lost some kind of weight as some of my clothes fit better than they did before I fell pregnant with Luna I still feel that pressure to snap back. My boobs feel like I've got two massive uncomfortable bowling balls strapped to my chest as I'm no longer breastfeeding or expressing so I'm still leaking a little bit and I'm just waiting for my supply to dry up.

I don't really feel comfortable with sharing a picture just yet mainly because my hair is a big grease ball that needs washing and I'm writing this in my Pj's with my hair piled on top of my head, maybe I'll share one next week if I feel a bit more comfortable and I still don't look pregnant haha!

Thank you so much for reading and I'll be back in my 3 week postpartum update!