Learning to Love Me

This one is a bit of a difficult post if I'm honest so it probably going to be a quite raw and emotional post. I am trying to learn to love myself and love my body which is incredibly when you've been pregnant 3 times and have given birth twice. I know I am no supermodel! I am absolutely far from it but why shouldn't I love my body even if I'm on the bigger size. I wrote a post recently over on my Instagram after a picture from my last few days of school popped up my news feed on Facebook - I'll pop the link to that post here and it honestly really stuck a nerve with me! For lots of people Mum's especially their body issues seem to start after they've had kids but mine I think have gone much farther back than that pretty much back to school, I've never been skinny and I never used to be massively fat according to that picture but I always seemed to be a target for bullies, I was made to feel dreadful and worthless and not like a person who has feelings. I got to some pretty low points in my life and I even self harmed and at one point I tried to take my life by overdosing on pills. I never took into account the effect that it could have on those around me, those who actually loved me but I was too hung up on nasty people to think straight I guess now as a Mum I honestly don't know how I could of done that to my parents, how they'd of felt if their daughter had successfully taken her own life and it breaks my heart. I know that I need to change how I not just feel about myself but how I talk about myself, I don't want my kids to hear mummy looking in the mirror telling herself how fat, gross and ugly she is and think that's okay to do and say. I want my kids to hear mummy tell herself actually my hair doesn't look to bad and what I'm wearing looks nice today. I'm just glad that Ben compliments me and says thing to make me feel better everyday and that they both get to hear that and that Ben sets an example of how you should treat people. 

This is me as I am right now. I know I'm not the worst but then I'm not the best and I could sit here a circle everything I hate but I'm know going to. There are things that I need to change and I'm going to be working on that and documenting my progress as I go. I don't want this to be just about me losing weight but also about learning to love myself regardless of how I look.