21 Weeks Pregnancy Update.

Hello everyone! Welcome back this is my week 21 pregnancy update. The last few weeks has been little bit rocky and emotional but I'll explain all that down below. 

How many weeks along are you?

21 weeks and 3 days. 

Due Date?

1st of May

Gender? 

Girl!

How is baby doing? 

This little lady is doing great! I've been feeling her more and more as the weeks have gone on and its starting to feel like she's doing some kind of acrobatics in there at the moment! She's currently weighing at three quaters of a pound and is about 10 - 11 inches long which is about as big as carrot. We also recently had our 20 week scan recently and she refused to move over for the sonographer to measure her spine so I have to go back for another scan before I hit 23 weeks to check that all of that is doing good.

Weight Gain? 
I don't think that I've gained any weight as some days I can't bring myself to eat as I feel so nauseous and some days all I do is still vomit. 

Symptoms? 
I'm pretty sure that I've started getting braxton hicks as some nights I'll be all nice and relaxed on the sofa, in the bath or in bed and I'll get some pretty awful cramping which sometimes completely catches me off guard. I'm also so tired all the time at the moment I feel as if as soon as I drop off to sleep its time to get up and start all over again. 

This week has been pretty exciting because now we know what this little bean is we've been able to start shopping instead of just buying grey and white yippee! and it's pretty safe to say I've gone a little bit ott on stuff, especially in the January sales! Its also so exciting to be able to say I'm having a baby this year (eeek!)

A Letter to Our Baby Girl

Luna Jane, 
I've felt such a range of emotions finding out your a beautiful baby girl, I've caught myself filled with fear over your future what things may be like for you as you grow up. I worry that one day when your older you may find out that your body may not work as it should and you may be told that having a family of your own is not as easy as some people make it look. Being told you were a girl left me over joyed yet so guilty that I may have left you with the difficulties that we've felt in being able to have you and your brother. I promise you my sweet girl that my arms, my ears and most of all my heart will always be open for whenever you need it just like they are for your brother. 
Sometimes things will not go to plan or just won't work out how you hoped but I will always be there to pick up the pieces no matter what.
There will be times people who are not worth it make you cry, there will be times people will come into your life and then disappear but that's okay because those people are not worth it and people who are worth it and will stay by your side will come along.
When you entered our lives as that tiny pink line this year had been pretty awful at times and you brought to it a bright light, after the experience of loss I never thought in a millions years that I would be sat here with you nestled up all snug in my womb us patiently waiting your safe arrival next year. How we've longed to for you my sweet girl, how we've longed for Oliver to be able to have a sibling. He loves you so much already, just the other day he was lifting up my top at the garden centre so that you could see all pretty lights and the reindeer, and he'll very often grab his blanket and put it over my belly so that you can be nice and warm when its cold. I can imagine you both creating havoc next Christmas with you crawling around and trying to pull yourself up the tree and your brother handing you the decorations from where you can't reach and I can't wait. I can't wait to take you on your first holiday even though you'll only be a few weeks old I can't wait to share those precious memories with you and give you something to look back on when your older.   
I'm so very grateful that your tucked up in there all nice and warm my tummy holding you until we can hold you in our arms. Waiting for you seems like forever but I know our patience will pay off soon enough. Every week that passes is one more week until we get to meet you. Thank you for coming into our lives beautiful girl. I can't wait to watch you grow, watch you change and nurture you just like your brother. 
Always dream big sweetheart. Love you always.

I'm Back!

Hello everyone!
I'm back after a ridiculously long time away! This pregnancy has really taken it out of me if I'm totally honest so I thought I'd pop by with a little catch up now I'm feeling slightly better. Life in general has been pretty hectic with the come down from our wedding and slotting back into normal life and the rush around Christmas I didn't realise how annoyed I'd get with people around this time of year being pregnant. 
This pregnancy has been far from straight forward, I've bled on and off since about 10 weeks to which we had to have an emergency scan and a trip to EPU and was pretty convinced that we would receive awful news but everything was fine, We then had our 12 week scan and everything was perfect and I ended up being back on with my due date (Woo) I've had the most awful sickness and nausea that just seems to wipe me out leaving me feeling completely exhausted. I saw my consultant at 18 weeks and they found ketones in my urine which they think because of how sick I have been being they said my body isn't getting enough and has started breaking down fat to keep both me and baby going. More recently we've had our 20 week scan and found out we're hiding a beautiful baby girl, I do however need to be re-scanned between Christmas and New Year as they couldn't get a good measurement of baby girls spine. There are also some concerns about the position of my placenta as its almost but not quite covering my cervix so I'm having that checked again after Christmas and again at 34 weeks. 

I think I've pretty much covered everything that's been going on since I last updated you all. I'm to try and be a little bit better at uploading content I promise! I should hopefully be back on track with pregnancy updates this next week. 

10 Tiny Fingers and 10 Tiny Toes, 2 Little Eyes and A Cute Button Nose.....

As you have probably guessed by now we've been keeping a little bit of a secret! We're expecting Baby Number 2! Oliver is going to be a big brother! And wow its has come as a bit of shock! As some of you may know we've been TTC for the last near enough year and sadly miscarried back in May. 

I had decided to do a test a couple of days before my Hen Party in September because we were obviously trying and I didn't want to end up drinking anything with Alcohol in! So I took the test not really expecting to seed that second little pink lie because We've just had disappointment after disappointment on the TTC front, but there is was clear as day! I couldn't believe it. The one thing we'd been yearning for to be parents again, to say that finally Ollie was going to be promoted to big brother. I've had a few ask Are you hoping for a little girl? My reposnse? I don't care I just want to be holding our beautiful tiny bundle come next spring! 

So there you have it guys are most amazing news! I will be trying to do Pregnancy updates weekly if not fortnightly because I'm sure I'm going to have my work cut out with chasing Ollie whist being busy being pregnant. 

I hope you enjoy following us on our new adventure! 

Pregnancy after loss I've felt is very bittersweet, its scary, its emotional. So far in this  pregnancy I've been pretty overwhelmed with emotion and I have found it hard to shake that something bad may happen. After our first loss back in May we found ourselves pregnant again in September. The overwhelming joy we felt that we were being given another chance for another baby a sibling for Ollie. I then felt such a strong unshakeable wash of anxiety and fear what if things weren't meant to be for a second time. I've cried many times to Ben about what if it happens again? I've already had an emergency scan as well as my 12 week scan because of a bleed at 11 weeks, We were so scared and I'd felt such a wash of fear thinking that this pregnancy was going to end in another miscarriage. There have been times in the last 12 weeks where I've had awful guilt over being pregnant again, not wanting to feel that I'd just forgotten about our angel and moved on. I will always remember our baby we never got to meet he or she will always be in our hearts. 

I hope that this little short post has made some sense to you. Thank you so much for ready and I'll catch you all on my next post! 

X

5 Weeks

For 5 weeks you nestled all tiny and snug in my womb. 4 and a half of those weeks we didn't know you were there. Those 2 pink lines that popped up on the test, the joy the tears, the happiness, the morning sickness and the queasiness, 7 months of wanting you to be there. 7 months of waiting so patiently. I couldn't wait to start feeling those little flutters, those tiny kicks and flips and rolls. Was is a fist or was it foot poking my ribs, I was so excited and couldn't wait, Sadly that wasn't meant to be what felt like moments the bleeding the cramping, the pain it all started so suddenly so soon. I knew. I knew you had gone. The scans, the urine samples and blood tests that followed didn't put me at ease I knew you were no longer nestled in my womb all snug and warm, but instead I felt you pass from me into the toilet just like that it was over. To the hospital you were just "a mass of tissue" a number a statistic. Although you were a just a tiny dot you were still our baby. I've had many comments like at least you were further along or it wasn't really a baby or be grateful that you've already had one baby. 
I've often wondered what you'd have been like would you of been like, would you of been a boy or a girl? Would you of had a fiery personality like your Brother or would you of been the mellow one? Would you of had my eyes or Daddy's? Would you look like Daddy just like you big brother? 
I'll be the first to admit that I've wept more than I'd like to admit at others pregnancy and birth announcements. That I've felt such awful awful jealousy towards pregnant strangers. I know that I shouldn't be this was but I can't help it!  

I don't want this to feel like I'm just ending this part in my life but I feel like I needed some closure. I know that its probably not going to get any easier or that it probably will never go away, but I need to start looking to the future and not let what has happened hold me back. Today Ben told me that It's devastated him how he's seen me go from being such a happy person to not being myself anymore which broke my heart. 
I'm not closing this chapter I'm just moving forward in what I hope will be a happier more positive way. 

Bunny and Bluebird; Review

Hi guys! Welcome back! 
Today I'm going to be doing a review for you all on the company Bunny and Bluebird! 
Bunny and Bluebird are a small independant company that creates crochet creations, Sophie makes them by herself from home. Her products take around around 3 days depending on the project to make. Sophie charges what I and all of her customers would agree is a resonable and fair price for such incredible work! 

This sheer hard work, creative eye and talent makes for some beautiful pieces. When choosing what you would like Sophie gives you creative control over tailoring exactly what you would like for an amazing tailor made and personal piece. She offers a range of sizes, colours and patterns! When looking at photographs they really do not do them justice! Upon seeing them in person how ever you will be completely wowed by how lovely they are! Whether as a keep sake or for play these creations are loved by children and adults a like! Children love to cuddle them and I as an adult love to look at them and I always look forward to see what Sophie has come up with next!

You can find Sophie and all her fantastic creations here; 

https://www.facebook.com/BunnyandBluebird/

Disclaimer: Although Sophie is a close friend of mine all the opinions and thoughts expressed in this post are all honest and my own.